For me, losing weight has always been difficult and as I get older it has gotten much harder. The last year or two it almost seems impossible. I have tried every diet out there. Some work for awhile but I always gain the weight back, and then some. Lately, nothing besides a full elimination diet (which is not sustainable long term) has worked to get any weight off. I still have several health problems which I can't seem to alleviate or find a root cause for, no matter how well I eat.
I am tired; tired in my body, my mind, and my soul.
Time for a change. For 20+ years I have followed some sort of diet, program, set of rules, lifestyle change, etc... No matter what name you give it, if it involves the idea of "bad foods", eliminating foods or entire food groups, sets of rules to follow daily, the feeling of deprivation, the feeling of failure or lack of willpower when you can't follow completely; then it is a diet. Believe me I was quick to adopt the term "lifestyle change" instead of diet. It allowed me to think I had a more positive view on how I was eating, as the word "diet" has such negative connotations. When friends and family would ask "Which diet are you on now?" or "Are you allowed to eat that?" I could happily answer with "It's not a diet it's a lifestyle change" or "I am allowed to eat anything I want but I choose to eat this or not to eat that". I have recently come to realize that all the "lifestyle changes" I have recently been doing are all still diets. No matter how you label it or try to sugar coat it; if you are eliminating certain foods and not eating what you want how you want then you are on some sort of "diet".
What I need to change is my mindset. What I need to change is how I have been dealing with my eating and my weight for most of my life. These diets have not been working so far so why continue with them? What I need to do is start seeing myself for who I am as a person and not for my weight alone. What I need to do is start speaking to myself in a positive manner; no more negative self-talk. I would never say to any of my friends or family the things I say to myself on a nearly daily basis. I need to make a change but it needs to start from within and be for me, as a person, and not as a number on the scale.
As of now, I am not on any diet. No food rules, no eliminating foods, no recording what I eat or my weight on a daily basis. This is a very difficult idea for me because I don't remember the last time I wasn't recording, weighing, measuring, limiting, or eliminating something. I am trying to get away from the idea of "bad foods". Trying to get away from the feelings of guilt, shame, and idea of failure when I eat something I consider "bad". Trying to get away from the binge eating. Trying to get away from the "I'll start on Monday" mentality. Trying to get away from all the negative ideas and feelings that come from years and years of dieting.
I have no idea how this will work out. I have no idea how or if my blog will change. Stay tuned to see :)