I am coming to the realization that the years of dieting, negative thinking, and the negative view of myself are the real problems; not the weight. It isn't easy to change your mindset after years and years but I am trying. I have spent the last four months being on a non-diet. No dieting at all and no food rules. Eat what I want when I want and it is very freeing; scary but freeing. I did try to eliminate gluten recently but I quickly fell back into old ways and negative thoughts, so I just wasn't ready yet. I wanted to eliminate gluten for health reasons to see if it helped with my fatigue and joint/muscle pain. That was a big reason, but if I'm being completely honest I was also doing it to see if I would lose some weight as well. Not the right reason so I'm not pushing with that right now. I am trying to limit gluten but taking it one meal at a time and not getting too caught up in it.
I still want to be healthy (which is not about my weight) but right now I think my mental and emotional health need some fixing and healing first :)